Irrecoverable
by ElegantSurrender
Summary: Dean wasn't there to crack some snarky and shitty joke. Castiel wasn't there to misunderstand it. Bobby wasn't there to put them all back in line. Everyone was gone, gone, and there was nothing he could do about it. For the first time in his life, Sam Winchester was truly alone. (( A drabble based after 7x23 ))


When Crowley disappeared, Sam's whole world went silent.

Dean wasn't there to crack some snarky and shitty joke. Castiel wasn't there to misunderstand it. Bobby wasn't there to put them all back in line. Everyone was gone, _gone_ , and there was nothing he could do about it.

For the first time in his life, Sam Winchester was truly alone.

The hunter stood in the middle of the room, continuously changing directions as if someone was going to jump out. No matter how many times he shifted, the room remained bare.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. After they killed Dick, things were supposed to be okay. Sam and Dean were just starting to be brothers again, he trusted Castiel again, and his mind was starting to become his again. Everything he worked hard for, everything he clung to, had suddenly crumbled and disappeared within a few minutes.

He didn't know what to do. This... This was something he'd never dealt with before. Even when the Winchester went off to college, people were waiting for him there. He had a roommate, he had classmates, and there were professors and counselors and a concrete plan. Right now… he had nothing.

Sam needed his brother, but Dean was gone, and as far as he could see it, he wasn't coming back.

His first instinct was to run. Get as far away as he could from the building he was currently standing in and never look back. Sam knew Crowley had Kevin, knew there were things left unfinished, but Dean was gone. Castiel was gone. The family business had taken away everyone he loved and, God, he couldn't do it anymore.

So Sam Winchester ran. He got out of that building as quick as his awkwardly long legs let him. He threw himself into the Impala's seat, told himself not to think about where he was sitting, and drove.

And drove.

And _drove_.

That was when he hit a dog.

It seemed like no matter where he went, he hurt the things around him. Sam had been paying attention to the road, he _had_ , but the animal came out of nowhere, and he had no time to stop.

As he brought the pet into the Impala's backseat, he could hear Dean telling him no animals in his baby. Sam almost laughed. Instead, it came out as some weird, choky half-cry.

It somehow reminded him of the second Twilight movie. Sam absolutely hated the series, but he'd caught it on cable, and he ended up watching it because there was nothing else on. He remembered throwing his hands up in confusion when Bella threw herself towards danger, all in hopes of just hearing Edward's monotonous voice in her stupid teenage head.

But Sam was pretty sure he understood now, because Sam hadn't heard Dean in weeks and even if his voice was just a figment of his imagination, it was enough to make him cry.

And Sam Winchester didn't even cry when it all first began.

By the time he reached the nearest animal hospital he hadn't calmed down, but Sam was so past caring. If he died right then, no one would care. Hell, it would probably be celebrated with all the shit he caused.

The feeling didn't go away when he stumbled into the facility, the injured canine held tightly in his arms. The receptionist gave him a strange look but didn't hesitate to help him, calling out for a girl named Amelia.

The woman guilt tripped him. Despite the redness in his eyes and his flushed cheeks, despite barely being able to catch his breath and hold it together as he spoke, Amelia guilt tripped him into taking the now recovering dog with him.

Sam never expected to see Amelia again, but eventually, he found himself living under the same roof as her.

He thought that maybe, just maybe, his loneliness would fade out. He thought that every night that they laid together, every kiss they shared, and every meal they prepared for each other would bring him a step closer to happiness. After all, this was what he always wanted, right? An average life, and things couldn't have been more normal.

But Sam was wrong. Horribly wrong. Each morning he still turned to the left, expecting Dean to be in a bed beside him. Every night he struggled to get any rest, his mind racing around and wishing it had been the one killed by that bone.

Then one day, out of seemingly nowhere, the facade he was struggling to keep up crashed. There was no real reason behind it. The Winchester just woke up and knew he had to go. He filled up the dog bowl and then Sam did what he did before; he ran. He left a note with an apology, although he knew it wouldn't mean much, got back into his brother's Impala and drove.

And drove.

And _drove_.

That was when he simply parked at a semi-abandoned gas station, turned off the engine, and cried. Cried because he knew he was hurting Amelia, cried because he still felt as hopeless as he did the day Crowley snapped his fingers and vanished like everyone else, and cried because it had been months and he _still_ couldn't let go of his family. Sam missed them more than anything.

He slid out of the driver's seat, his hazel eyes falling onto his older brother's car. He instantly had the urge to destroy it right then and there and Dean's voice suddenly filled his head, telling him not to lay a hand on his baby.

Sam opened up the trunk, took out one of the bats kept with the rest of their (his) weapons, and slammed it right into the back window. He didn't stop there. The ex-hunter could feel a few eyes on him, but he still couldn't get himself to stop. Each hit came with a disapproving comment from his dead brother, and if this was what it took to hear it, he wasn't going to refrain himself.

The bat destroyed the windows, dented the doors, and ruined the lights. Even then, Sam's world was still silent, and he doubted that would ever change.


End file.
